Lorena Otes's memoir, Solo Mum by Choice (Hawkeye Publishing) was out May 16th 2026, and may be of interest to locals.
Solo Mum by Choice is an intimate, funny, and fiercely honest memoir about one woman’s journey to motherhood—without a partner, but with unwavering determination.
After a string of failed relationships, Lorena stumbled upon the growing community of women choosing to have children on their own. What follows is a deeply personal ride through IVF heartbreaks, bizarre alternative therapies, and medical mayhem—told with warmth, grit, and sharp self-awareness.
Both tender and laugh-out-loud, Solo Mum by Choice is a love story between a woman and the child she refuses to give up on.
Lorena says:
''Solo Mum by Choice details my determination to become a parent on my own terms, and how I succeeded after twelve harrowing, failed IVF attempts. I then explore my rocky transition to parenthood which, though my dream had come true, was not always the bed of roses I thought it would be. Through humour (tonnes of it), heartbreak (bucketloads!), Solo Mum by Choice is raw, honest, and down-to-earth. There are overriding themes of determination and persistence against the odds, set to inspire Pittwater Online News readers, regardless of whether they have experienced IVF or parenthood.
Lorena has written for Feels Blind Literary, The Brussels Review, Mamamia Online, and Bounty Parents. My humour articles have appeared in Witcraft Magazine, Defenestration Literary Humour Magazine, Scalar Comet, and Little Old Lady Comedy.
Aside from writing, Lorena is a classical and contemporary dance teacher, a huge Bonnie Tyler fan, an avid reader, Madonna fan (her 90's phase), a motorbike enthusiast, and proud solo mum by choice to her fabulous, dinosaur-loving six-year-old daughter.
This week a chat with the author herself.
Why did you want to write ‘Solo Mum by Choice’?
When I made the decision to become a solo mum by choice, I felt quite alone. There were forums, but generally not as much social media back then (2013/14), and I didn’t personally know anyone else who was going down that path. So, I wanted to create something tangible that would give a sense of camaraderie, visibility and empowerment to women considering this path and those who have done it.
I was also keen to create an inspiring memoir for all readers, as well as something that would help people understand what so many of us go through, and put ourselves through, to become parents.
I also felt under-represented because many of the solo parenting memoirs I’d previously read had a sadness around the ‘solo’ part. As though the writer felt they were missing out on something and settling for Plan B. That definitely wasn’t me, so I wrote the book I felt I wanted to read.
Are there any pointers for others taking the IVF path to parenthood?
IVF is not a one-round-and-you’ll-be-a-parent fix. Well, for some of the lucky ones it may turn about that way, and that’s how I expected it to turn out for me at first. I ended up doing thirteen IVF rounds, which I NEVER expected. So what I would say to people in the IVF trenches is to expect to be in it for the long haul. Then the least that can happen is you’ll be surprised if it happens sooner for you.
Also, don’t feel like your IVF journey is up for discussion with everyone you know. People often ask out of kindness and concern, but these questions can be stressful for some people. They certainly were for me after a while, so I needed to set some boundaries around who, when, and how much I was willing to discuss.
What have been the challenges in being a solo and working mum?
The financial challenges have been real for me. I decided not to put my daughter in daycare so I could be with her more. This meant that though I was working, I was very particular about my hours. As a dance teacher, I was able to choose the frequency of my work. This was magical in terms of time together with my daughter, and nothing will ever replace that. But it’s been hard financially. Writing the book took a lot of time as well. Now my daughter is at school, I’ve been able to spend time on it that way when I’m not working my ‘day job’. I’m grateful I was able to do all of this, and I’m also lucky my parents willingly step in to help out multiple times a week.
Are there any support groups for solo mums you have become involved in?
The northern beaches has a Facebook solo mums by choice group who are absolutely lovely. We don’t meet up all that often anymore, but they are phenomenal women with outstanding kids. There are also online groups where discussions and camaraderie can be found. There is always someone in similar shoes to empathise, empower and pick you up when you’re having a tough time, because we understand each other so well.
What is your support network?
My main support network is my parents. When you read Solo Mum by Choice you will see that the real heroes of my story are my mum and dad. Even when making the decision to go it alone, my parents backed me one hundred percent. They look after my daughter regularly when I work. When my daughter was a baby, they’d come over bearing pre-cooked meals in tubs, they’d do maintenance and cleaning around the house. I’m just so lucky.
I also have a small but mighty set of friends and neighbours who are there for us both.
Where does the male input into parenting figure fit in this approach? Do you have a male providing support and help for you and your child?
What a great question! Because the male influence is super important, particularly as my daughter grows older. Yes, her Papa (grandpa) is in her life almost daily. It’s interesting to see the relationship they have developed, and his influence on her is huge. It’s really beautiful.
I also play the ‘male’ role to an extent. If you think of the different ways fathers might support their kids, and the different approach to play time (rough and tumble etc), I try to do all of that. There are some solo parents by choice who don’t like being classified as the mum and the dad, but I love it. Nothing replaces an actual father in the house, but as long as I ensure my daughter knows how loved she is, then I know she won’t feel as though she’s missing out on something. And if she does feel that way, then we talk about it.
We also have friends and uncles who are a big part of my daughter’s life.
Who is this book for?
Solo Mum by Choice is for readers of memoir who love challenging but uplifting stories. It’s for people who are interested in diverse and complex pathways to achieving a dream. And then, of course it’s for people in the solo parenting by choice space as well as those considering it.
It’s also written to help people understand the lengths some women will go to, to become mothers.
I’ve also been told it is quite informative for those undergoing IVF, so it is also for those who are curious about IVF, or for those going through it – whether solo or not.
Are you doing any local events where people can hear more about this journey?
I am! After being interviewed live on the Today Show couch on Mother’s Day, I’m honed and ready to speak about my book and my personal journey.
I’ll be appearing at the Warringah Mall Library giving a talk on Thursday May 28th. I’ll be signing books at Harry Hartog Warringah Mall, 10-12pm on Saturday 6th June. I’m being interviewed on Radio Northern Beaches y Michael Lester (time TBC). And there’s an event with fellow author Lindsay Bartels at Bookoccino, Avalon on Sunday July 26th at 3pm which I’m super excited about.
Watch this space though, because after appearing on TV, the phone is running hot, so there will be other events. My website lorenaotes.com.au has a regularly updated inventory of events for my book tour.
Where can people get their hands on a copy?
Solo Mum by Choice will be in local bookstores. If it isn’t on the shelves, it’s easy and quick to order because our distributor is at Woodslane in Warriewood. It can be ordered directly from them too. My wonderful publisher also has copies available from www.hawkeyebooks.com.au
There is also a kindle version, and we’re hoping for an audio version in the future too for all the busy mums who can only dream of having the time to pick up a book. Good reads reviews will make this happen more quickly, so please leave a review once you have read Solo Mum by Choice.
What are your favourite places in Pittwater and why?
There are so many! My daughter and I absolutely love Mona Vale Beach. We go there to swim, explore the rockpools in the middle, and sometimes we take a kite and just run. In winter we love paddling, it’s just so beautiful there. Then we stop for ice cream and coffee at the café, and later a browse through Berkelouw Books and the Mona Vale library.
We also love some of the Ingleside bushwalks where it is so peaceful. Feels like we’re the only people on the planet sometimes because there’s usually not too many others there. And, of course, we’re frequent visitors to the Tramshed and Berry Reserve. We love looking at all the different ducks, and deciding which one is our favourite ‘duck of the day’. The park is heaps of fun too. The café also stocks my daughter’s favourite brand of ice cream, so it doesn’t take much for us to decide ‘let’s go!’
What is your ‘motto for life’ or a favourite phrase you try to live by?
When you read my book, you’ll find out I’m a massive Bonnie Tyler fan. She’s the one who sings the 80s megahit hit, Total Eclipse of the Heart. But she would never have had the opportunity to record that song if she hadn’t asked songwriter/producer Jim Steinman to work with her.
‘If you don’t ask. You don’t receive.’ That was her mantra, and also the mantra I live by today. After all, if I didn’t ask myself the question ‘what is the thing I want most – a partner? Or motherhood?’ – then I doubt I would have become a mum at all. I would have run out of time.
I’m also a fan of ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.’ I’m very determined, and if I want something enough, and I know it’s possible, I usually persist until I get it.
The Ingleside Escarpment. Photos: Joe Mills
